Pat's QBasic Site

Pat's QBasic Site

Pat's Site needs your help!

3.18.2000
Hiya fellas! Welcome to the all-new Pat's QBasic site. I heard from my good friends from V Planet that my distant relative Pete's computer is broken, so you need someone to help fill Pete's shoes until Pete gets a new computer. So, here I am! I know it will be especially hard to catch up with the quality of Pete's site, but I will do my best.

3.19.2000
Hiya everyone! This is Pat again. Today I started to download my first QB Game. It's for this game called Wrath of Sona. It's taking a while though, so I'm going to play some other games and review them first before I come back to Wrath of Sona. Anyway, I finished my first game review too! It's for a game by Microsoft, called Microsoft Gorillas! What an awesome game! Well, one review down. Now all I have to do is write 97 more and I'll be able to match the number of reviews on my relative Pete's site! Hurray!

3.20.2000
I'm currently working on this game I don't know much called Wetspot 2. This second review is a lot harder to write, as the game is very very hard! I'm still stuck at level 1-4. I think this game's unfair! Why are the penguins so fast? If I had a flamethrower like I did in Diamond Fighter IV, then I would easily be able to beat these @#$%! penguins! Oh no! The penguins got me again! Oh, the humanity!

3.21.2000
Some people have been posting some pretty nasty remarks about the review I wrote for Dark Ages I: The Continents, like I haven't solved the game before reviewing it or something. Well, I'm going to prove to you that I played it through by spoiling the game's ending! In the end of the game, there is a mighty duel... but just then Anakin Skywalker escapes, the Naboo mothership explodes, and the gunguns save the day! Wait... mesa think that not it...

3.22.2000
I received a box of cookies from a strange but pretty lady with blue hair and big, blue eyes. She told me that her name was "Cookie", and that my cabin is haunted by a bunch of ghosts. I told Cookie to go away, but then she pulled out a giant mallet from her pocket. Fearing for my own safety, I let her stay in my cabin for the night. When I woke up, Cookie was gone and everything in my cabin was smashed to bits.

3.23.2000
I started playing Kids of Karendow, an RPG by the PHAT Kids. I heard from QBShire that it's a really good game. But when I tried it, I was shocked. My virgin ears could not withstand all the sick stuff in this game. Inflammatory language, sexual innuendos... all you people in QB land have really filthy minds! Elmo, what are you doing? No, stop that!

3.24.2000
The V Planet guys have been pretty nice to good old Pat. The only meanness I've noticed was when I was playing Bricko on an IPX connection with QBShire. I always seem to win, and lately QBShire hasn't been talking to me at all. I think someone's jealous of my Bricko skills!

3.25.2000
Why does every QB programmer hate Bob Saget so much?

3.26.2000
Hiya fellas! Pat again. I think I've finally found my favorite game. It's called QB Ski and it's by Alex Knight-Percival. It reminds me of when it's Winter Break in the Himalayas and I travel to Russia, where the slopes are really intense. I have so much fun playing that game that I sing while I play. QBShire keeps telling me to stop. I think omeone's still angry from that Bricko tournament.

3.27.2000
Wrath of Sona finally finished downloading.

3.28.2000
I just downloaded the latest demo of Cyber Chick, that hip new game from James Robert Osborne. And I must say that Cyber Chick's a real hottie. Did James get a human model to pose as Cyber Chick like they had a model pose for Lara Croft? Because Cyber Chick's a real babe and if I could meet her in real life, that would make Pat here a very happy lumberjack.

3.29.2000
Hiya everyone. Pat again. I keep getting these strange e-mails from General Dorfulglagg... something about how the slugs are planning to invade the Earth and steal the world's color. Yeah, now there's a story no one would ever believe. Only a weirdo would use that as a plot for a QB videogame. :)

3.30.2000
I just finished the new Dynamic Beta. What's with all the hi-tech technology in this game? I heard from my sister Petina that QB games aren't supposed to have hi-resolution graphics and hi-quality sound samples. Space shooters like this are supposed to be flickery, but I couldn't find even one flicker and that's just wrong for a QB game. The worst part is I tried reading the code and I was so confused with all the big words. This lib technology is confusing me! I miss my Microsoft Gorillas...

3.31.2000
Bad news everyone. My boss at the Himalaya society of lumberjacks has informed me that I must go back to work at the mills. So I have to choose between being a lumberjack or being a QB reviewer. I know a lot of you would have made the latter decision, but in my heart I will always be a lumberjack. So farewell, everyone at QB land! Say hello to Pete for me! Bye bye fellas!

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DISCLAIMER
(c) 2000 Pat Productions. Supported by the HIimalayan Society of Lumberjacks. There is no such thing as Pat's QBasic Site, and Pete does not have a distant relative named Pat. In fact, the only thing that's true about this whole April Fool's day article is the fact that Pete's computer is in fact broken, and as a result Pete's QBasic Site has not been updating as often as it used to, if at all. We hope you can get it fixed up soon, Pete! Your presence among the QB Game Reviewers is sorely missed!